Loss

Day 33

"God gave us a memory so that we might have roses in December." J.M. Barrie

Everyone has different themes of fear in their lives. Fear of heights, death, spiders, being broke. Most of our fears typically have deep roots tied to significant events in our lives. Those event have made many of us decide that it was safer to grasp on to avoidance of that scary thing as much as possible, rather than take the risk to confront it.

For me, fear of loss was a major hurdle. It was not necessarily about losing a game or competition, but heavily tied to losing a person. I've come to accept that I'm sentimental at heart, and the idea of a person being removed from my life who I was once very connected to was just a frightening feeling. We've all experienced the irony of not knowing that the last time we saw or spoke to someone would be the last time. It doesn't have to be death it could be a classmate, coworker, or neighbor who you simply lost touch with.

Losing someone in death is deemed as one of the ultimate or most finite forms of loss. As my father was passing, I remember stating "I'm not ready." It was unfathomable. We all know it to be the threshold everyone has to cross, but we just can't wrap our heads around it. My father passed about 3 weeks after I stated that I was not ready, and though I can't say I was fully ready, that bit of time gave me some preparation for the emotions that would come. Part of loss, is the realization that you have to accept it will come.

When we chose the prayer cards for his wake, we added the quote "Love never dies." I remember sitting there with my sister and we knew that was what was to be placed. Over time, that phrase has gotten me through. It not only got me through that time, but I've come to firmly believe it in many other scenarios. Though I "lost" him physically, he's with me every moment of every day. His DNA runs through me, I can hear his laugh, and evasion his frame as if he were to be sitting next to me. I remember his stories, and the depth of his hugs. In nearly fourteen years, I can now say that there was no real loss in his departure. It was a transition in my experience of him.

This transition in experience can also be said with lovers and friends who I may no longer speak with. Though the relationship has :ended" in regards to a constant engagement. there are always the parts of what that person left with you, and for you. True loss is when we do not face our grief, but when we also do not allow gratitude for what the person or thing provided to us when they were active in our life. When we shift the idea of something being gone or taken from us, to being thankful for the contract or propose it filled in our lives at that time, we can see that all we did was gain.

Loss is simply a transition. It is the releasing of one form, to another. We can honor the thing that we lost and make space for what will be renewed.

"Should you shield the valleys from the windstorms, you would never see the beauty of their canyons." Elizabeth Kubler-Ross